On My Own

Doing a one person show is so much harder than I could have ever imagined. It sucks to act alone. I have always despised doing monologues for auditions....so why, one might ask, would I get involved with doing an hour and a half monologue every Thursday through Sunday?
I really do believe that it is a good story to hear. People are having trouble with the politics, and thats good. As long as they are hearing the words, I hope it provokes. But I hope they are doing that: hearing the words. Its one person's story, one person's opinion, of course its one sided, but is important and relevant.
There is all this controversy about Rachel Corrie's life. What really happened, the supposed IDF excuses that she was helping terrorists...but her words are what matter in this story. She makes a clear separation between a group of a people and a government. Would we all want to be identified with all American Governmental policies and actions? So why is it that we are so quick to do the same for a different group of people? Maybe some things are so scary and confusing, its easier to dismiss the humanity in the situation. Her words were about peace, about hope and encouraging people to focus on what good are we doing with our privileges. This is close to rambling, isn't it?

Anyway, its hard to act alone, I look forward to listening and reacting to people again soon.

On another note, I don't talk about it, but I live with a giant rage inside me. Violent dreams, such heated anger sometimes that it burns my cheeks and makes the knuckles of my clenched fists white. Heart racing anger. I have to busy my hands to distract them. Would you guess that about me? It really only revolves around few people in my life. And I never act on it. Only on occasion have I had to leave bed late at night, slip into the bathroom and punch a bunched up towel. I hate being lied to.

Also, I got put on a team at iO. I am the newest member of "Baby Problems", an existing team at iO....yeah, I know "Strippers Picnic" and "Baby Problems"...highly respectable, I am.

I haven't made enough time for people lately. Sorry about that. I'm feeling a bit like Joni right now: hard to handle, I'm selfish and I'm sad,... Oh I wish I had a river, I could skate away on.