End of Week 2

Wow, people, wow. The School is fucking killer awesome. And thats not because its fun and laughy good times every hour, oh no, some of this shit is so hard and painful and scary...but that all contributes to its fantasticness. (Although I have laughed harder than I have in a long time and I have felt my heart lift to new levels) I haven't felt this excited about theatre since I was still in college, all doe eyed and fresh faced and open. It feels like these wheels are starting to turn again and I can't wait to really start rolling....which I'm starting to do.

So ok, I'll organize this briefly into what we have been focusing on.

Do you know what "viewpoints" is? You should get to know it, take it out to get drinks sometime. The first week of class, I totally butted my head against this thing. I could. Not. Get it. And it was so frustrating. Basically, its like improv, but with organic physical movement. You tell these amazing abstract stories, its like modern dance. The point is to be really in tune with the other ensemble members and let their energies inspire instincts. You do it all in what is called "soft focus", which is sort of like what it like to look at one of those magic eye pictures...you know what I mean? So it would take a long time to describe this in detail, but the goal is to sort of feel like you aren't making choices, that choices just come to you. That you are reacting in the moment that you have the impulse and that that reaction is natural and true. (*this is a point that will come into play very often). I think last week, it was so new and everyone else seemed to pick it up so naturally and I had never really done it before and I wanted wanted wanted to get it so bad that I was totally up in my head, which is where you absolutely can't be for this to be successful. And then, blam, I had a weekend to chill and came back a fighter.

That was true with everything. I had this moment on Sunday where I was watching Steppenwolf win all the Tony awards (I was at a party at Steppenwolf watching this which was pretty inspiring) and this wimpy part of me started hiding and saying "you'll never get here, you aren't good enough" and all of a sudden I snapped to and shut that shit up. I am totally capable of achieving my goals. And that starts with just abandoning those awful voices and putting all my energy into working hard and taking full advantage of this amazing opportunity to work with an incredible ensemble of 24 fucking awesome actors and some of the greatest teachers around. So yeah! I just started this week without fear. Allowing myself to fail, to be vulnerable and to kick ass! It feels good.

Improv is so great at School. Sheldon, our teacher, is really smart and has seen so much. Everything he says is a gem. Meisner is hard and terrifying, but really helpful and totally up my alley. Feldenkrais is magic, voice class is...not super entertaining, but helpful. All of it, every single class, ties back to the same theme. Being present. Being totally fucking present and open and aware. And smart. Oh man, its just so perfect. Its the education I've been longing for since I was 15. Seriously. I just feel like each day I'm being turned inside out and looking at people in new ways and listening in new ways. What an exciting and challenging time!
Next week we add text analysis and then we'll start doing scene study and loading on ten more things soon enough. Its so scary. Each day is intimidating and scary, which makes each moment a total surprise. And isn't that the best?

Another Beginning

I start The School at Steppenwolf tomorrow. My general feeling right now is fear. Fear that I won't be good enough, that I won't fit in, that I will shrink into myself, that I won't feel comfortable being open, that I'm not prepared, that I won't know how to share all the love/belief in theatre that I have, that I will be snobby towards the "theatre kid" behavior...But I'm excited. Its going to be a really hard summer. There is something nice about not really knowing what to expect. But I am going to work my ass off and try to take some risks.

I went to pick up a script for school at Steppenwolf the other day and it was such a strange feeling. I keep taking these steps closer to accomplishing these big goals I have, but they feel like they are still pretty far away. I felt flustered and small when I was in the building. It is strange.

I think one of the most exciting parts of the summer will be finding a way to focus and attack all these big ideas I have. Once again, it is all about confidence. I think feeling confident gives clarity to all those paths that seem jumbled now. But it is also nice to feel like I don't have to just choose one. I don't think any of my goals have to suffer by spreading myself out. I think I just have to work that much harder at each one.

Speaking of those cool goals, check it:

I started recording some music in a studio for the first time. It is really fun and I felt much more comfortable than I thought I would. The dude who asked me to record had some really nice things to say, which always kind of stuns me. Hopefully this will encourage me to write some of my own tunes.

Also, Strippers Picnic is so fucking cool. We had a great run at Gorilla Tango with our pals SHTL, and we are going to have a busy summer. Performing at least once every week, got accepted into the Del Close Marathon through Upright Citizens Brigade in New York in August, just won a contest last night where our prize was a spot at DSI next year, we are feeling pretty good.

Well I think I might start writing more often now that I will be in School. AH! I start tomorrow!!! Wish me luck!

Miss me?

So hey, whats up? I haven't added a new blog since the last brief Steppenwolf note. I am so excited about this summer! It is going to be hard work, but so worth it. I am really looking forward to growing and learning with a talented group of actors. Does that sound artificial? Well it is true so fuck off.

Seeing as I can't work this summer, I've been doing all I can this month. Added two residencies to my teaching schedule, each very challenging. Finishing up the original musical I've been working on with the 8th graders of Hawthorne. The story might be a little flimsy, but the music is great! And the students are wonderful there. I really enjoy them. Preparing to do two one acts in the beginning of June, performing improv every Thursday (at Gorilla Tango) and Friday (at the Cornservatory) with Strippers Picnic, doing the band thing (we have a show on Saturday). So my next full day off where I really have nothing to do is on May 29th. I really look forward to that day. But I like staying busy. It will be nice to be able to focus on acting this summer. Wow, I'm really excited!

Also, I start 5b on Saturday at iO. I am really looking forward to completing my training there. It will feel good to finish it, regardless of what happens team wise. Unfortunately, there is all this crazy drama with people in my level. Luckily, I am completely removed from it. But it makes me uncomfortable because it seems like people really dig on that, real life drama. Lame. I'll just keep pushing forward, keeping my distance, focusing on the work. Thats the fun part.

Do you enjoy going home? I really do. I spent the day at my folks house last week and it was so relaxing. Its so clean and comfy. Its like going to a spa. With people who are there to love and support you. Without being paid. I'm glad they are only a car ride away. My family is pretty amazing. I'm excited to have my little bro around this summer. Because he is the coolest.

Pointless blog. But just felt like writing something new.

YES

I got into the School at Steppenwolf!!

Strippers Do It In the Dark

Stripper's Picnic had a rehearsal tonight. We hadn't had one in awhile because we have been performing every week together. But it was so nice. We wanted to really focus on some grounded scene work, connecting with eachother in scenes. So after dinner at Spoon Thai, we came back to my place, turned the lights down, lit some candles...and made love...right there on the dance floor. (See "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" for reference) So besides the lovin part, we really did rehearse in the glow of some christmas lights and candles. And it was great.

While we're in the mood, what do you think about this: having sex every day, regardless of being tired or angry or what have you, will strengthen a relationship. Discuss.

Future Apples

Isn't life exciting and fun? I think so. I'm really having a blast. Even when I am cranky because I have to teach a party of 20 five year olds gymnastics at 9am on a Sunday after getting two hours of sleep from a super fun night of drinking and laughing...even then, i'm having so much fun. And wow, I have such great love for everyone around me. I've mentioned that. But its this great big fluttery love. So am I ready for a new move? Lets talk music instead of thinking of that.
So to start, I saw Eels play last night. Oh my. Have you heard them? It was just two dudes and a stage full of instruments. Beautiful and rockin and totally great show. I am a new fan now. Yes, Eels have been around since forever, maybe I'm late getting on board. But, like woah. Like woah, my friends. Check 'em out. For best results, see live.

Also. I might be spending some time in New York for June and July. Couches anyone? I don't want to jinx it so I'm not going to talk about it until it is something solid. But it would be a culmination of everything I love. Music, theatricals, travel. And the only thing that would get in the way of this happening would be me. Me choosing another option or me being scared. So me won't do that. Me will dive in and be brave and share all the big weird fantastic ideas I have with some other fantastic weird people. Vague enough? Things will be clear at the end of May.

But this is clear. Eels make me want to learn to play the saw. I need a saw and a bow.

Chirp Chirp

Isn't music great?  Yes. Yes it is.  Have you seen the line up for Pitchfork?  I already have a ticket because it will be wonderful.  Also, I am going to see Ray Davies tomorrow night.  And I love him.  When I hear the Jon Brion music from Eternal Sunshine, my heart expands.  Like its trying to be big enough to hold something so giantly beautiful.  Or maybe its just my brain working harder to try to explain why a series of notes can make me want to cry.  Hmm...

So you should really check out this.  It has some of my favorite music.  And then you should go here and add some music to the playlist.  Or create a new playlist with your name.   I've only added a couple songs to that list, so fill it up.  And don't forget to press save.  If you have trouble signing in, my email is jessiefisher82@gmail.com  and the password for that site is "music".  I want to hear what you are listening to.  What you like.  Music you think I'll like.  Let me know if you've added music.  That website is really fun.  Isn't Vampire Weekend great?  I just heard them for the first time and I like em.  Is there a point to this blog?  Not really.  Just in love with sounds right now.

Oh, ok, I could have a purpose to writing this.  I had my audition for the program at Steppenwolf.  It went well.  It felt kind of anti-climactic.  But I did well.  My monologue felt good, but the scene was a little strange.  Its hard to act with someone who is reading off a page and doesn't feel as emotionally engaged as you are.  And its hard to prepare for that.  But its done and that's good and now I wait to hear.  I got a call the day after my audition from a Chicago number  I didn't recognize.  When I answered, the woman on the phone said "Hi this is --- from Steppenwolf.  This has nothing to do with your audition yesterday."  It was a girl who is directing a show at the Bailiwick Directors Festival and she said Erica Daniels (Steppenwolf's Casting Director and the person who decides if I get into the program) gave her my name.  So she asked me to read this script and see if I was interested.  She said I came very highly recommended.  Which sounds good, but of course my mind immediately assumes that meant Erica gave her my head shot from the list of people she isn't interested in having in the school.  But they don't conflict.  Maybe its a good thing?  Well, I'll just wait and see.

Ok, I love you.  See you soon.