End of Week 2

Wow, people, wow. The School is fucking killer awesome. And thats not because its fun and laughy good times every hour, oh no, some of this shit is so hard and painful and scary...but that all contributes to its fantasticness. (Although I have laughed harder than I have in a long time and I have felt my heart lift to new levels) I haven't felt this excited about theatre since I was still in college, all doe eyed and fresh faced and open. It feels like these wheels are starting to turn again and I can't wait to really start rolling....which I'm starting to do.

So ok, I'll organize this briefly into what we have been focusing on.

Do you know what "viewpoints" is? You should get to know it, take it out to get drinks sometime. The first week of class, I totally butted my head against this thing. I could. Not. Get it. And it was so frustrating. Basically, its like improv, but with organic physical movement. You tell these amazing abstract stories, its like modern dance. The point is to be really in tune with the other ensemble members and let their energies inspire instincts. You do it all in what is called "soft focus", which is sort of like what it like to look at one of those magic eye pictures...you know what I mean? So it would take a long time to describe this in detail, but the goal is to sort of feel like you aren't making choices, that choices just come to you. That you are reacting in the moment that you have the impulse and that that reaction is natural and true. (*this is a point that will come into play very often). I think last week, it was so new and everyone else seemed to pick it up so naturally and I had never really done it before and I wanted wanted wanted to get it so bad that I was totally up in my head, which is where you absolutely can't be for this to be successful. And then, blam, I had a weekend to chill and came back a fighter.

That was true with everything. I had this moment on Sunday where I was watching Steppenwolf win all the Tony awards (I was at a party at Steppenwolf watching this which was pretty inspiring) and this wimpy part of me started hiding and saying "you'll never get here, you aren't good enough" and all of a sudden I snapped to and shut that shit up. I am totally capable of achieving my goals. And that starts with just abandoning those awful voices and putting all my energy into working hard and taking full advantage of this amazing opportunity to work with an incredible ensemble of 24 fucking awesome actors and some of the greatest teachers around. So yeah! I just started this week without fear. Allowing myself to fail, to be vulnerable and to kick ass! It feels good.

Improv is so great at School. Sheldon, our teacher, is really smart and has seen so much. Everything he says is a gem. Meisner is hard and terrifying, but really helpful and totally up my alley. Feldenkrais is magic, voice class is...not super entertaining, but helpful. All of it, every single class, ties back to the same theme. Being present. Being totally fucking present and open and aware. And smart. Oh man, its just so perfect. Its the education I've been longing for since I was 15. Seriously. I just feel like each day I'm being turned inside out and looking at people in new ways and listening in new ways. What an exciting and challenging time!
Next week we add text analysis and then we'll start doing scene study and loading on ten more things soon enough. Its so scary. Each day is intimidating and scary, which makes each moment a total surprise. And isn't that the best?